Yes Chuck, the roses sure smell good don't they?

Just 1 dbed. No comment on the hard part.

I like that Bruce, I am thinking of taking down the mirrors.

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000aji feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!"

He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"

The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but now you look!"

The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly stubbornly straight, with the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?"

Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"

The AirBus pilot laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.

The moral of the story is:


When you are young, speed and adrenaline seem to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.

This is called S.O.S.......... Slower, Older, Smarter.

Dedicated to all my friends who are like me, now realizing that it is time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip. Whether it be fishing, scrolling these sites, or the hobby of your choice. Take it all in, You earned it.

You beat me to it Billy

I will ask Miss Ethel if she has any pics Billy. Miss June is a little shy after that encounter.

I'll ask Hanes.

What ever the ones are that have the day of the week on them

Sometimes it isn't about making the big bucks all at one time. A little here and a little there and a good sense of money management and folks will wait for their services vs paying less for a lower quality product.

Making a baby.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now.
The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell,
hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch,
and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun.
You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time.
I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well –
when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right.
People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling –
I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted

I was telling a woman in the club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondlin', she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the Butt, but...

When you’re seventy+...............who cares?

*********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy+...............who cares?

**********

I went to our local VFW for a change and last night saw a large woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

She giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy+...............who cares?

"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not years, and remember...We do not quit playing because we grow old.... We grow old because we quit playing"




And last but not least an oldie but goodie.


Subject: What Did You Call Me?

FARMER Chuckay in Florida got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture him about his speed, and in general, began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

Chuck said said, 'Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?'

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, 'Well yeah, if that's what they are, but I never heard of circle flies.'

So Chuck says, 'Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.'

The trooper says, 'Oh,' and goes back to writing the ticket.

Then after a minute he stops and says, 'Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's a**?'

The farmer replied, 'Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's a**.'

The trooper says, 'Well, that's a good thing,' and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer added, 'Hard to fool them flies though...'

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60-year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was that nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara, and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.



I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.

This gal came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kind'a cute. You got'ta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you got'ta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you’re seventy+...............who cares?

**********


I was talking to a another young woman in the same VFW as the night went on.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you’re seventy+..............who cares? But I think I better change VFW'S.

Good for you Jim. Been there 40 or so years ago on a Sunday night bowling league. I got strikes and spared myself of the pain by keeping my mouth shut.

Thanks Scud pass it forward.